This is the First Draft of an imaginative essay I did for my Standard Grade Folio (Like GCSE's in England methinks). I got a Credit 1 for it as a First Draft and I'd like to get some opinions on it and how to improve it.
And yes there may be a few other Essay type things coming from me as I have to put my folio in in February for the SQA and i'd like comments on them!
A Fall From Innocence
A Story About Felicity Taylor
She was known as the ‘Black Rose’ a bitter sweet beauty and she ruined my life. It was all because of her that I fell. I was so happy. I felt I had everything. I had a great circle of friends and my school life felt perfect. I had straight A’s in everything and there was nothing that I was failing in. For me life was the best I could get. I wish I had never met her. If I hadn’t met her, I would never have gone to that party. . .
I first met Ebony Rose about a month ago. She transferred to my school after being chucked out of the one she was to on the other side of Daleside. Her reputation preceded her. She was the leader of a vicious gang of girls known as ‘The Shadows’. Everyone knew who they were and what they did along with Daleside’s current the gang of boys ‘The Jags’. No one wanted to mess with them, if you saw a large group of kids in leather, jeans and Converse; you stayed well away. So when Ebony came to my school she caused ripples in the usually calm waters of East Daleside High.
Somehow we became friends almost straight away. I guess you could call it a shotgun friendship. Perhaps you yourself have had one, where you become best friends with someone very, very quickly without really getting to know them. It was an unlikely friendship what with her being a leader of a gang and a rebel. I was just a little goody two shoes that did everything right but I was tired of being so good all the time. My routine was the same everyday but when Ebony appeared she picked me up out of it in a dazzling cloud of cigarette smoke and vanilla perfume. Her friends became mine and all of my friends were forgotten.
In the space of a week we were staying over at each others houses and we had picked up each others habits. Some of hers were not so nice and I became really, very bitchy. I guess I was trying to be Ebony when that was really impossible with her; she wasn’t someone you could do that with. Her style was very suggestive, she liked leather, black, tight clothes and when she came she was able to wrap all the guys at school round her little finger. She always had her dark hair and makeup done to the type of perfection that you’d see on the Internet if you typed in ‘Emo’ into Google Images. She had a best friend called Scarlett who had bright red hair and was the same as Ebony on the style department except with more red. I had also become a Shadow and we were the three musketeers.
She called it the party of the year and everybody worth knowing was going to be there. Now I was worth knowing since I had become friends with someone like Ebony; I was her right hand girl along with Scarlett. Although, thinking about that party gave my shivers, I had never really been to one before and I didn’t know what to expect. Even though I had a new circle of friends who thought I was cool and they were actually worth knowing, I was still Felicity Taylor, a little goody two shoes, too scared to do anything.
When I walked into that dimly lit, smoke clouded room everyone looked at me. Well not me but the group of Shadows that had just glided in with me at the front with Ebony and Scarlett. Both were dressed in colours of their name’s sake and they were very low cut and tight. I was like that too and it gave me confidence. People were crowding the small room and every inch of the house. There was music pumping through the walls and it rocked my chest. I could see alcohol clustered on nearly every surface with red paper cups in huge piles next to them.
I could feel everyone’s eyes on us from the moment we walking in. I had never really been the centre of attention before and I knew a red flush was creeping into my pale cheeks. I wanted to hide behind my long blonde hair but I knew I couldn’t as that would show weakness. A gang of boys appeared in front of us; lead by an incredibly good looking dark haired boy and the blonde boy at his side clearly his second in command. Ebony swayed over to the dark haired boy curling an arm around his waist. “Flick, I’d like you to meet The Jags,” She said with a smile, reaching up and kissing the boy at her side. “And this is Xavier Thompson.”
Xavier Thompson, I’d heard of him, everybody had heard of him but he was more commonly known as X; in the paper every other week for one thing or another. It made sense that Ebony was with him. Scarlett had flitted over the blonde boy by X’s side and had draped herself over him. That must be Wes Stark, I’d seen his name nest to X’s many times. It made sense to me, leader for leader, second for second. I watched Scarlett drag away Wes by the shirt collar out of the room. I didn’t even want to know what was going to happen. Ebony ignored the fact that her friend had disappeared and carried on introducing The Jags but it all went over my head. There were too many names.
Before getting a drink Ebony came up to me and shoved something into my hand with a wink. “Just in case someone catches your eye,” She whispered with a grin. Her hot breath tickled my ear. “And stay away from X, he’s my catch!” She added with a cold edge to her voice.
“Okay,” I stammered out, glancing quickly at the little square packet that was burning my hand. I shoved it into my pocket to try and forget about it.
I found that I couldn’t keep my eyes off X, he was just so gorgeous! He was the classic tall, dark and handsome scenario and I guess you could give him the label ‘Emo’. All in back, with tight jeans and a leather jacket that complimented his pale complexion. Once I started getting drinks down me it was near impossible to tear my eyes away from him. I wasn’t usually a drinker but I just kept drinking. I noticed that he kept glancing back at me every so often over Ebony’s shoulder. Every time I looked into his dark eyes I felt my cheeks dance red.
Music blared though the house, drumming in my chest. Smoke encircled me, clinging to my hair and clothes. Drinks passed through my lips like air and I was getting increasingly dizzy. It was a total blur to who I was dancing with, it just Jag after Jag after Jag. Their bodies were always too close for comfort. I felt so claustrophobic in my intoxicated state. I pushed away from the boy clutching at my waist. I needed air. I staggered to the back porch and leaned against the railings. There was a bunch of people standing there smoking in the cool night air. One of them was X. He smiled at me and came over. I felt myself freeze. There was a slight swagger to his walk as he came and leant against the railings next to me.
“So you’re Flick are you?” He asked in a deep voice. I felt myself edge away him. I nodded; too scared to speak. As hot as he was, he was a gang leader who had done God knows what to people. He smiled at me softly. “Not a speaker are you? Aw that’s a shame because I’d like to get to know you.”
I swallowed but there was a lump in my throat. I gave him a timid smile. He rolled his eyes good naturedly and pulled out a tin. I watched him deftly roll up a cigarette, when he was done he offered it to me. “Aw, c’mon, you know you want to,” he laughed holding it out to me. I took it not wanting to offend him. “That’s my girl,” he said lighting up and lighting mine as well. I felt something stir in my chest when he called me his ‘girl’.
“This is only a fag right?” I asked him quietly. He laughed and nodded. I didn’t notice at the time the smell of the smoke. If I had I would have known what the brown stuff in my ‘fag’ was. I was so naïve! I put the roll up to my lips and inhaled. As the smoke hit the back of my throat I gagged and stared coughing. I felt the flesh burn. X laughed and patted my back.
“Not much of a smoker either, eh? You’ll get better with practise,” he joked. I straightened up and inhaled again; this time almost doing it right. X watched me carefully to make sure I wasn’t about to choke.
“Where’s Ebony?” I asked. He shrugged.
“How come? Did you fight?” I asked. He nodded and I left it at that. After a few minutes I began to feel very light headed and dizzy. I hadn’t noticed but X had gotten closer to me. I looked up into his dark eyes and almost fell into them. I felt kind of happy and light.
Before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine. The ‘fag’ fell from my fingers and all I was focused on was the boy in front of me. Everything after that was very blurred. I didn’t really know what was happening, so I let it. I can just remember X and I being joined at the lips continuously. I can remember the taste of him on my tongue; smoke and Calvin Klein. His hands seemed to be every where. I can remember him pulling me inside and upstairs. I had no idea at the time what he was doing. I just followed. The last thing I remember clearly is falling through a door upstairs in X’s arms.
* * *
Ebony marched though the crowds of people trying to find Xavier. They’d had a fight and she felt quite guilty about it. “I over reacted,” Ebony thought. “I can’t believe that I accused him of cheating again. He wouldn’t do that! Not again.” A small smiled formed on her face at that thought. But that didn’t solve the problem of where he had gotten to. She walked around the crowed house on the look out for her boyfriend. Scarlett had disappeared with Wes too and she knew exactly what they were doing too. Ebony scowled, she couldn’t go to a party without being all over Wes or some other guy that took her fancy.
Just then Ebony saw a flash of red dress and heard a giggle come from the kitchen. There was Scarlett sucking the face off Wes. Sighing the ‘Black Rose’ marched up to her friend tapping her on the shoulder. Her red hair was all mussed and she had marks on her neck. As Scarlett looked round to her friend Wes carried on kissing her neck and she was clearly distracted by it.
“Have you seen X anywhere?” Demanded Ebony. Scarlett didn’t answer straight away she was more concerned about Wes. “Scar, c’mon, bit of help here. Have you seen Xavier?”
Scarlett straightened up meaning business. As she was Second in Command of the Shadows she had a duty to Ebony. She waved Wes off her neck and her face was deadly serious. “I saw him last going upstairs,” She told her friend. Ebony felt her face drain of colour. There was only one reason you went upstairs at a party and it wasn’t to use the bathroom.
“Upstairs…” The Black Rose whispered; barely audible. Scarlett watched her friend put two and two together and get four. Her face hardened into a solid mask of hate and anger. “Who was he with?”
Scarlett hesitated before answering. The expression ‘Don’t shoot the messenger came to mind.’ Ebony was liable to do that.
“Flick,” She said bluntly. Ebony’s face darkened and her nose flared. Anger boiled in her chest like a vicious monster rearing its head.
Turning on her heal she marched out of the kitchen; her dark hair streaming out behind her and her best friend at her side. People parted like the red sea for the two girls. Even if they were friends they all felt fear as the angry girl stormed though them. No one wanted to mess with Ebony Rose; she had contacts in the most vicious of gangs and she in herself was more dangerous than the whole of the Jags put together. People swarmed after her in interest to see what was going to happen and to know why Ebony was so angry. Everyone could feel the aura she was giving off and no one liked it. Ebony felt anger flow throw her; it propelled her forwards.
She threw open the first door she came to. Two people were . . . wrestling. Or not. Ebony made a face and moved on throwing open the next door with a bang. Empty. She headed towards the third and last room. Her leg lifted up and lashed out at the white wood. It crashed open, banging against the wall with such a force that the noise reverberated around the house. The room was dark and Ebony could make out a lump under the covers that could only be one person. In the corner stood X, fully dressed and his face blank of all emotion. “I’ll deal with him later,” Thought Ebony dangerously. Stalking into the dim room she glared over at the sleeping lump. “She made the wrong catch.”
* * *
A sharp pain was tugging sharply at my head. My back sore where I hit the floor. I felt myself being dragged across the rough carpet; I was rolling about all over the place getting carpet burns on the way. I had no idea who was attached to my hair but they were shouting a stream of profanities at me. I felt myself being dumped on the floor and sharp pains in my head and stomach. Curling up, I tried to make myself smaller but blows kept raining down on me. My hair was tugged, my face scratched, spit hurled in my face. Tears sprung to my eyes, stinging the new cuts. Bruises flourished over my stomach and head. I couldn’t see anything. There were feet surrounding me, kicking me, attacking me, the jeering voices shouting out insults of varying hurtfulness. Why are they doing this? What have I done?
A foot connected with my mouth. Hot, wet blood spilled from me, the metallic taste filled my mouth. I spluttered and coughed, blood spraying everywhere. I squinted up at my attacker. I couldn’t focus, my head was spinning and sore. There was dark hair and red hair, black clothes and red clothes; Ebony and Scarlett. Their faces suddenly came into sharp relief. Both hard with anger and I was at a loss to why. X stood in the corner half in shadow. His face totally void of any expression, his dark eyes were just tunnels with no light in them. I pleaded with him using my eyes but I saw no flicker of recognition in his face. Stars glittered in front of my face as a crunch from my jaw told me that Ebony had kicked me again.
“I told you to stay away,” Hissed Ebony dangerously. I coughed again, spraying blood on to the carpet. She came down to my level, wrenching at my hair to see my face. “What happened? Couldn’t resist? There is obviously a reason so why don’t you just say it and get it over with?” She spat in my face.
“It was an- an accident,” I gasped out. Ebony’s dark eyes narrowed. Black fire raged within them.
“Whore!” Shouted the Black Rose slamming my face back to the ground. The word rang in my ears. People were chanting it all around me. Scarlett was clapping the beat, her face flashing with malice. She’d never liked me to begin with that was clear.
I pushed up from the ground, staggering slightly, still drunk. I ran from the room with my head down and tears streaming from my face. Insults were hurled at me from every side and hit me like icy water. I ran from the house not wanting to stay there anymore. I had to get the bus back to my house and standing at that freezing bus stop was hell. People stared at my bloodied face and bruised body but didn’t ask questions. I shoved my hands into my pocket to keep them warm and my fingers brushed against the foil packet Ebony gave me. My stomach lurched and I threw up in the bin behind me. I chucked it away; wanting to dispose of the evidence.
I tried to keep it from my parents what had happened. They were out that night so they didn’t see anything but in the morning they saw the bruising. I just said I walked into a lamppost and they believed it. I had this empty feeling in my stomach that morning; I knew that something had been taken from me. I kept getting flashbacks of what happened during the night from all these things that reminded me of it; my dad’s cigarette, the beat of music, a male laugh from the TV. My head hurt and every cut or bruise was like a small fire on my skin.
School was horrible. Everybody had found out from either being there or hearing about it from someone. Ebony made sure everybody knew that Xavier was her ‘catch’ and that I had taken him from her. Everybody took her side and left me on my own. I was hoping that maybe some of my old friends would take me back but they were holding the grudge of me leaving them. People tripped me up in the corridors, chucked rubbers at me in class and threw whispered insults at me every time the teacher’s back was turned. I got labelled ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ and innumerable other names that were degrading and just down right nasty. Evils were shot at me, usually followed by a good insult to make sure I didn’t have a good day.
Teachers found out somehow, and then it wasn’t long before my parents found out. There was hell to pay. I’ve never seen my mum cry but when she was told what’s been happening she broke down. They don’t trust me anymore and won’t let me out of the house on my own either. They even sent me to counselling. Even though it has been a few weeks I still feel horrible. I’m tired all the time, my chest and head hurts, I throw up nearly every morning and for some reason I keep craving Marmite. I hate Marmite. Maybe I’ve got food poisoning or something. Wait . . . I don’t use . . . Oh no . . . I’m pregnant. . .