The Memoirs of Theodore Chance - Ch2 part 3 on

[Chinaren]

Blood.

“You… you killed him!”  Flappy went white as a sheet, though not her sheet, which was splattered with more crimson than an emergency ward after a stabbing competition. 

Reality kicked in fast for me.  One thing I suddenly realized about this killing lark: It was probably not the best idea to do it in front of witnesses.  Hey, it’s a learning experience!

I took a grip of what was left of the lamp.  As good a fuck as she’d been, personal survival quickly overrides just about anything else, she’d have to… have an accident too.  That’s something to bear in mind the next time you throw someone out of a window.  Planning, you can’t have too much.

Anyway, the tart, and fuck me, I didn’t even know her name at this point, she wobbles over to the shattered window (there goes your deposit I remember thinking) and peers out at the black and red mess that is what remains of Scotty below. 

Here’s something else to remember: People are weird.  They never do what you expect them to.  Okay, that’s bollocks.  They do what you expect most of the time, but just when you think you know what they’re going to do, they do something else.  I guess that’s this ‘free will’ crap the bible thumpers are all going on about.  Sounds like a cop out to me, but it happens.

Anyway, Flappy stares at Scotty for a bit and I start to lift the lamp, ready to send her out of the window after lover-boy, but that’s when the weird bit I was talking about happened. 

She turns around to me with the biggest fucking grin and jumps on me.  Not in a bad You-cunt-you-just-killed-my-boyfriend way, but in the, er, well I guess there’s no real ‘way’ here.  It’s not something that happens.  A good way though.

“Oh god!” she wails whilst rubbing her tits all over me. “You killed the bastard!  Finally!  You’re my fucking god!  Fuck me! Stick it in wherever you want big boy!”

I don’t mind saying I was a bit surprised.  ‘Bit’ is probably an understatement actually, but I was learning to take these things in my stride.  I’ve always been a fast learner my parents said. 

I’d like to say we called the cops and discussed our story right away, but in fact I screwed her like a rabbit on acid.  I know right?  Hardly the logical thing to do when there’s a corpse cooling in the parking area, but we were young.  Good times.  Good times.   Luckily the rear of the building was fenced off and hardly used.  Broke students don’t have much use for parking spaces as a rule.

Still, reality has to stick its fucking oar in at some point, so whilst she was wiping my love juice out of her hair, I pulled my pants on and pointed out of the window.

“What are we going to do about your boyfriend?” I asked.

“He wasn’t my boyfriend,” she said from the tiny bathroom attached to her room. “He was my pimp.”

That explained a lot. 

“Well, what are we going to do?  We can’t leave him splattered all over the ground like that, someone’s going to notice, even here.”

She came out drying her hair and looked around.  The room was a mess.  Bits of lamp were a serious foot hazard, and there was smeared blood, both Scotty’s and hers, all over the bed sheets, which we’d fucked on. 

‘Way to mess up the crime scene,’ I thought.

>>>>>>
Oops.  So, not a sterile sight!  What’s the cover story going to be here peeps!  Ideas and all that welcome.

Man I’m drunk.
<<<<<<

[ViP Perry Tratchett]

Finally something new to read! 

And pretty well done too.  I'd say that she knows some fellow who can 'clean' the scene.  For a price of course.

[araell]

Ah good one Perry! Nice one their China but i have to say u seem more drunk then Theo here. Ummm, i say they flee...or maybe this is the part where u tell us this is the past and he's now in jail for murder 

[Chinaren]

Ummm, i say they flee...or maybe this is the part where u tell us this is the past and he's now in jail for murder 

I'm not sure flee would be the best choice here, but then again they are drunk, so... 

I'll leave this up a bit longer in the hope of some more ideas, then put it out to poll.

[Chinaren]

Very well, we have a poll.  Brutally strangle the victim of voting.

If you choose option three splatter it within this thread so I can absorb its goodness.

[araell]

Okay...so it seems ive started off the voting by voting number 3. I'm not sure what the 'something else' should be but i definately think you can do better China 

Running away isn't your style we need some cleverness 

[Chinaren]

Running away isn't your style we need some cleverness 

Mmm, I shall just have to drink some kind of brain enhancing beer later. 

[ViP Perry Tratchett]

I admit, your a-team line got to me.

[Chinaren]

She was a cool one, this whore, I’ll give you that, though you could have probably guessed as much by the: ‘Someone’s just been killed and I’m horny’ response. 
She just shrugged and bounced over to the phone next to her bed (before cellphones here remember) and picked up the receiver.

“I know a guy,” she said. 

“Lots of guys apparently,” I remember replying.  What?  The beer was wearing off. 

 “Shh,” she just said, dialing someone on her phone. 

I picked up my own jeans, which were thankfully blood splatter free, and pulled myself carefully into them (I was a bit tender in certain areas, if you know what I mean), then wandered over to the window and peered out at Scotty’s cooling corpse as she spoke to someone with the unlikely name of Harry Smith. 

“…hurry up then, he’s in the open,” she finished with, and hung up.

I turned around.  “So, what’s going on then?  Shouldn’t we be scraping chumley up and finding some large plastic bags?”  I pointed with my thumb over my shoulder.

“Told you,” she grinned.  “I know someone.  Funny thing is, Scotty was the one to introduce me.”

“It’s an ironic old world,” I said evenly.  “Do you have anything to drink?  I’m feeling dry.”

“Some vodka by the bed.”

I’m not usually a vodka kind of guy, but it had been a long day, so in this case I made an exception and took a healing swig direct from the bottle.  I know, I know, I can be a pig sometimes.  Manners cost nothing is what me gran always said, may she rest in.
Suitably refreshed, I turned to my new partner in crime.  “So then, should I be worried?”  The lamp was still an option, but I was willing to wait a bit if some dude would clean the mess up for me.

She didn’t get my drift.  “Harry’s a stand up guy,” she said, pulling on her top.  “He owes me a big one, so don’t worry about payment.”

“A big one eh?”  I raised an eyebrow and took another fortifying slug of vodka.  “Kinky bastard is he?” 

She gestured for me to pass the drink over, and I complied.  “Yeah.  Seriously.  I’ll tell you sometime.”

“Super.”  I took a deep breath and looked around at her shithole of an apartment.  “So, now we just wait?”

“Well, we could pass the time in other ways.”  She smiled and glanced down at my jeans.  Well, what can I say?  I was still young and fit back then. 

I smiled back.  “You’re on top then.”

~

Harry turned out to be some middle aged fat fellow with glasses and a lop-sided smile.  Totally someone you’d not notice on the street, which I guess is the point.  When you’re young you  just want to show off how cool you are, go bragging about the shit you gone done, but when you get on a bit more you realize that’s all a load of bollocks, and the trick is to look like a no-one, or even an everyone.  No one notices an everyone.  Maybe that’s how Harry had got away with… what he did… for so long, and no, I’m not just talking about the dead body cleaning service here.  We’ll come back to Harry later.

 “Hello Doris,” he said, panting from the short climb up the stairs, and finally providing me with a name for my shag. 

‘Jebus,’ I remember thinking.  ‘Doris!?’  Funny old world.

“Hello Harry,” Doris replied.  She didn’t move from her position on top of me.  Not a shy girl our Doris.  “He’s outside.  Took a dive into the parking area.  You need anything?”

“I’m good my love,” he said, walking over to the window and peering out.  He had a large black back with him, which he put down as he looked around the room, lingering a moment on Doris, who was busy bouncing away.  I was a bit turned on if truth be told. Who knew I was the kinky type?  Well, okay, I did, but not that sort of kinky.  We live and learn I always say. 

“When you’re done,”  Harry said, “You can get the sheets and anything else with blood on and pile it in the middle of the room.”

“Sure… thing… Harry,” said Doris.  We were getting to the big finale. 

The cleaner climbed outside, or maybe he went down the stairs, I was a bit busy shooting my load to take much notice, but by the time I’d wiped myself off and donned my garments, our good friend Scottie and vanished, and there was only a scrubbed area where he’d bled out that was noticable.

“He’s pretty efficient,”  I said. 

“Yeah,” Doris replied, doing up her blouse.  “I took another swig of vodka.”

“So listen, you may as well fuck off,” she went on.  “I’ve got your number right?”  She didn’t, I took hers.   

“You sure…”

“Best you’re not around Harry too much,” she said, which I thought odd at the time, but I was fucking knackered, and my bed seemed a good idea about that time.   So I nodded and spent the next hour trying to find a way to get home.

[araell]

All i have to say is...DORIS?? 

[ViP Perry Tratchett]

A nice addition.  No suggestion thingy this time?

[Chinaren]

Quiet.

It took me the better part of two days to get over that night.  Firstly, vodka doesn’t really agree with me.  Secondly, vodka really doesn’t agree with me after ten pints.  That and I’d been going at the booze pretty hard over the previous few weeks. 

I decided to take a bit of a break from the party life, give the old liver a break, and actually do some of my college studies, which I’d been neglecting.  I wasn’t really bothered about this, college was just somewhere for me to be at the time, I’d joined it more because of the chicks than wanting to further myself academically. 

Still, it was something to do when bored, and some of the stuff was actually pretty interesting.  I’ve never been one of these people that don’t care about the world around them.  You learn stuff, you learn how the system works, you learn how you can get around it.  Know thine enemy I always say.

So the next week or so was pretty quiet.  Old Doris didn’t phone me, and I didn’t call her either.  I just went to my classes, stayed in at night and generally caught my breath.

Still, always at the back of my mind was old Scotty, and our favorite drug dealer, as well as my the mugger guy I’d done for.  Three people had died at my hand.  I was kind of waiting for the guilt to kick in.  Ever seen American Werewolf in London?  Good film, check it out.  Anyway, spoiler alert, his victims come back to haunt him, literally.  I was kind of expecting the same, but you know what?

Nothing.  Total absence of guilt.  Or rotting corpse ghosts come to that, which was almost disappointing.

I wondered if this was normal, but then I guess killing people isn’t really normal to begin with, unless you’re in the army or something.  And it wasn’t like I could go to a shrink of anything, even if I could afford one.  I was fairly sure they’d dob me in if I went blabbing on about killing three people. 

Then there was Doris.  I was a bit worried about her, but I reasoned that she was in it as much as I was, so the chance of her calling the cops was pretty much close to zero.  Still, when she didn’t call it began to niggle.

So I called her.

Yeah, desperate much? 

Then again, I’d been a choirboy for two weeks, and there’s only so much a body can take, or not take, before release is needed.  So yeah, I called her.  Bite me.

Anyway, turns out this wasn’t the best idea in the world.

“Hey Doris?  It’s…” I started.

“Oh thank fuck!  Come over right now, I need you!”  She sounded upset some.  Crying and all that.  I hate crying bitches.  Nearly hung the phone up there and then, which could have changed history.

I was a stupid twat though, and didn’t.

“What’s up babe?” I asked.

I had to go and ask.  Idiot.


>>>>>> 

So, drunk again.  Hey ho.
SP: What’s Doris all upset about?  And what does she need our hero to fix?  It’s going to be messy of course. Hehe.

<<<<<<

[ViP Perry Tratchett]

Good to see some movement on this one China.

I'd say that someone has found out, or suspects her, in the disappearance of Scotty, and is threatening her. 

[Chinaren]

Thanks Petch, happy to see someone is still around Tome!   

Your thoughts were along the lines of my own.  I shall wait a while just in case anyone logs on else suggests something though.

[NicTei]

I'd say she's gone and accidentally killed someone during rough...er...Twister.  A rough game of Twister.

...if you know what I mean.

[Chinaren]

Huzzah! Another Suggestion.

Thanks Nice, though I'm going to need more background on that.  I mean, why hasn't she just called her cleaner friend? 

I'll leave this another day or so and poll it, so any more idea, get em in whilst it's hot.

[NicTei]

Maybe the unfortunate man she killed with...er...Twister...is none other than - wait for it - HER CLEANER FRIEND!

Thus, the irony of needing to clean the cleaner.

[Chinaren]

Maybe the unfortunate man she killed with...er...Twister...is none other than - wait for it - HER CLEANER FRIEND!

Thus, the irony of needing to clean the cleaner.

Ha, didn't think of that Arl!  I had more plans for him, but maybe... ~ponders~ 

[NicTei]

...Arl?  Arl!?  ARL!?

...

...glarflarblarble.

[araell]

No need to be angry Saint...you should consider it an honour to be called "Arl" even if it was by mistake (I hope  )

Anyway, China mite be psychic because i was goind to suggest that she'd killed the cleaner whilst "paying" him 

Saint...I have one thing to say...Great minds think alike!! 

[Chinaren]

...Arl?  Arl!?  ARL!?

OMG, you're right.  I'm so sorry Arl. 

And...

No need to be angry Saint...you should consider it an honour to be called "Arl" even if it was by mistake (I hope  )

Hehe. 

Anyhoo, thanks for the ideas, whomever you are.  I shall poll shortly, once I've had a few beers.  Maybe even mix all these ideas up into a new chapter if the beer tastes right.

[Elsza]

Finally caught up! This is compulsive reading, China, well done! 

[Chinaren]

Thanks Elsy.  I was going to do another today, but felt it was Gloom's time instead. 

I'll puta poll up, unless you have any ideas to add?

[araell]

I love how you've apologised to me and not Saint 

[NicTei]

...it's because I'm not Saint, Arl.

[Chinaren]

I love how you've apologised to me and not Saint 

...it's because I'm not Saint, Arl.

Lol, I don't know why everyone thinks Nice is someone else.  Anyway, NiceTea is a good egg really Arl, despite all my abuse.   

Now,  

[araell]

Dammit!! I think my mind has gone on holiday...hopefully to a sunny place somewhere. I need to find it 

Sorry...NicTei 

[Chinaren]

A little later than promised, but finally a poll is up!  To give myself some wriggle room, so to speak, I've split the Suggestions into three.  Make of it what you will.

Touch the colored spot of voting with your left hand.

[Chinaren]

“Listen, just come over okay?” she said. “I need help.”  Then she slammed the phone down.  Back in those days you could really slam the phone down, not like now, when we’re all mobile and stuff.  I miss that sometimes, it’s good to take your anger out on something, and phone calls are often a source of anger, or so I’ve found.  Maybe I just live a life of general non-happiness.  So it goes.

So, I considered things for a minute or two, but eventually decided to go and see what the fuss was about.  I was bored shitless mainly, but I hadn’t had a good fuck since the old flying Scotty incident, and Doris, if nothing else, was not a stuck up virgin.  Hell, she was about as far from virgin as is possible to get. 

So I went.

You ever have a moment you can actually recognize changed your life?  This was probably one of mine.  What the fuck am I talking about, there’s no probably about it.  Life changing moment.  You really don’t get many of them, and this is talking from experience here. 

So off I pop.  Get on the bus, no car for an unemployed student, and, half an hour later alight near the place that Doris called home.  Others would call it a shithole.  Maybe I was one of them.

I wandered along and pushed on the door to her house, which was open.  Security can sometimes be having nothing anyone wants to steal.

I wandered upstairs and knocked on her door, which swung open.  Carefully I stepped inside.

You know what Man’s weakness is?  Women.  Without women we’d all have a great life.  Alright, it would be a gay life, but sometimes the cost is worth it. 

Anyway, inside her shithole, and I’m talking about her apartment here, rather than her more personal one, was Doris, standing over a bleeding Harry Smith, who was lying on the floor on a mat with many colored spots on.  The mat was ruined, covered in his blood as it was.

Old Harry wasn’t out of it though.  When I walked in he was quick to engage in conversation.

“You!  Help me!  Get me away from this crazy bitch and I’ll make it worth your while!  I know people!  I have money!  Just take her out!”

He gestured at old Flappy, and I looked over at Doris.  She was standing there, stark bollock naked, which affected me in a number of ways, holding a fucking gun on old Harry. 

“He’s threatening to dob us in about Scotty.” she wailed.  This is the problem with women.  All emotional.  Can’t get on top of a situation unless there’s a cock on it.

“How nice to see you too,” I said. 


>>>>>>

So, what’s the next move here?  Do away with Harry?  Listen to him and take what he has (he could be useful in future), or listen to him, take what he has and do him in?  Maybe do in Doris?

Let’s hear it people!

<<<<<<

[Elsza]

This is Theodore were talking about here! he listens, takes everything he can get and kills the guy! As for Doris... I think he'd need something resembling a motive, but if that was available I doubt he'd have any compuctions about getting rid of her as well! Nice one china!