Hard (Finished)

[Saint]

Hard
"It was the hardest thing I'd ever done..."

Combat - The soldiers.

Intel - The schloars.

Employ - The workforce.

Living - The rewarded.

After four years in foreign worlds, killing for the good of his home, Darius Ether started his life in Living as a scarred man.  The marks of numerous conflicts burdened his body and his mind, and he'd grown so used to his friends dying that for over two years of his four-year Living period, he didn't try to make any new ones.  All he had was an old schoolmate's address to which he sent letters but got no replies.  But then one day, a kindly maid by the name of Faith stepped into his life.  This is not a story about how they met.

Roughly a year later, with no prior warning, Darius was approached by his old schoolmate, but there were no warm wishes.  Instead he brought a message from his superiors.  "We've seen what you can do, and we want you to come to The City in the Sky to work for us."  He was forced to answer at gunpoint, and it was obvious that there was no choice in the matter.  He was given six days to say his goodbyes.  This is not a story about him leaving Faith behind.

This is not a story about what he finds on The City in the Sky.
This is not a story about the true motives of the governing body in his world.
This is not a story about a plot to murder a god.

This is, at the core, a story about the lengths a man will go to in order to return to the girl he loves.

Contents:

Prologue       Chapter 1    Chapter 2    Chapter 3    Chapter 4    Chapter 5    Chapter 6    Chapter 7    Chapter 8    Chapter 9

Chapter 10       Chapter 11    Chapter 12    Chapter 13    Chapter 14    Chapter 15    Chapter 16    Chapter 17    Chapter 18    Chapter 19       Ending

Chapter 20       Chapter 21    Chapter 22    Chapter 23    Chapter 24    Chapter 25    Chapter 26    Chapter 27    Chapter 28    Chapter 29

Sequel - Shadows

Click here to purchase this in paperback.

[spoiler=Poll/SP archive]
1: A chance to escape?
Run like the wind, Bullseye! (Sorry; Nostalgia'd) 0 (0%)
No, stay; it's obviously a trap! 1 (25%)
Wait and give Aithur chance to explain himself. 3 (75%)
I have a much better idea, and I'll tell you below. 0 (0%)

2: What's the problem?
No vote - Someone dangerous is blocking the path.

3: How does he stop Mike with no weapon?
No vote - Lure him into a position where he can ambush.

4: What question does he ask?
No vote - "What, in full detail, are ultimately the goals of central circle?"

5: What's the job?
No vote - Go catch a rogue who escaped with something we need.

6: O_O Does he, or doesn't he?
Get in there! 2 (66.7%)
Eeeew, no! 1 (33.3%)

7: What scene awaits?
No vote - The observer is a mechanical-esque construct.

8: How does he talk his way out of that one then?
No vote - "Polar bears!"

9: "There was a message left for you..."
"...And there's something amiss in central circle, apparently.  Know anything?" 3 (100%)
"...He says he's run off but left a location.  Let's get going!" 0 (0%)

10: What is 'the refuge'?
No vote - A place where a magic generator faulted, twisting the reality.

11: No SP.

12: ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAR!
Sphinx. 0 (0%)
Huge mutated tentacled monster. 3 (100%)

13: So what do we do with our lost soul?
Kill it. 0 (0%)
Leave it to be. 0 (0%)
Lead it out. 1 (50%)
I have my own brilliant idea, which I'll tell you in a reply! 1 (50%)

14: Eek!
Run like little girls! 1 (100%)
Enlist Mortimer's help and TAKE THEM DOWN!!! 0 (0%)

15: How do they get out of the cell?
No vote. - Storm the door and flirt with Serenity. (Didn't quite turn out as suggested, due to rushing on my part.)

16: What's mission two?
Go into Serese and recover a map! 3 (60%)
Kill off the group who hunted us down in the box full of boxes. 2 (40%)

17: Why is Darius here?
No vote. - He was mistakenly left alive.

18: Does he agree?
No vote. - Yes.

19: What does he tell Aithur?
No vote. - Everything about Faith.

20: What's Aithur gonna do now?
Help, so that he doesn't seem a dick. 0 (0%)
Help, on the condition that he does nothing else for Darius whatsoever. 1 (20%)
Help, because he still loves and empathises with Darius. 3 (60%)
Puts a gun to Darius's head. 0 (0%)
Turns away and leaves Darius to run after them on his own. 1 (20%)

21: How does Darius punish him?
No vote. - Wait and see if Faith is alright first...

22: Serese is...
No vote. - Very white.

23: How do they get around the fighters?
No vote. - Let them duke it out.

24: What now?
No vote. - They encounter a 'keeper of the peace' type race.

25: Seresil?  Tartacians?
Keep the mission in mind!  Go after Seresil. 2 (100%)
Aithur uses the chance to ditch Darius and goes after the Tartacians alone. 0 (0%)
Serenity goes after the Tartacians alone, since she was the one who helped them. 0 (0%)
No, we can't let them die!  Everyone goes back to help. 0 (0%)

26: So who stays?
Serenity. 1 (33.3%)
Aithur. 0 (0%)
None; let's incur Seresil's wrath! 2 (66.7%)

27: What did Aithur see on the next floor?
No vote. - Faith.

28: What does he do on the last stretch before Seresil?
No vote. - Loses his temper, and realises central circle have corrupted him.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Non-SP Polls]
End of Part 1: Magic?
Yes, move the day forwards one count so we can use magic in Part 2! 0 (0%)
No, keep it as it is; it helps build character to see what they do without their easy way out. 3 (100%)

End of Part 1: Should I add Serenity to the team?
Yes!  Story needs more wiminz. 4 (100%)
No! Keep it a group of manly manly men!0 (0%)

End of Part 2: "What was my next move?"
"Take the gun, kill our god, and turn to central circle for a lifetime with Faith?" 1 (20%)
"Or go in and find out exactly what Seresil had planned for me?" 4 (80%)[/spoiler]

[Elsza]

Am so glad Faith is Back!b  I think what happens on the way to Serisil should be dictated, by whether Serisil is benovolant or scheming. well done, almost done!

[Burningplain]

Welcome back to faith. Faith is there as Seresil's voice. She talks for Seresil as if Seresil were to talk directly to them their hearts would implode and their heads would go kablowie. "It took us till the 5th Adam to figure that out."

As for Seresil's reasons... I'm unsure. Maybe he wishes for someone to take his mantle from him?

[Saint]

Am so glad Faith is Back!b  I think what happens on the way to Serisil should be dictated, by whether Serisil is benovolant or scheming. well done, almost done!

Welcome back to faith. Faith is there as Seresil's voice. She talks for Seresil as if Seresil were to talk directly to them their hearts would implode and their heads would go kablowie. "It took us till the 5th Adam to figure that out."

As for Seresil's reasons... I'm unsure. Maybe he wishes for someone to take his mantle from him?

These don't give me much to work with guys.  >.<  The SP is for what happens BETWEEN now and Seresil.  And as much as I love the idea, Beep, killing Seresil would be problematic if simply talking to him made your head kersplode.

[Padfoot]

You know, this is the first time I have no idea. 

[Saint]

Anyone?  Come on guys, this is your last chance to have a great influence on the tale... 

[Burningplain]

Between now and Seresil? Can't think of anything. Is up to you.

[Chinaren]

Caught up, and just in time too by the looks of it.

Well, I think he's confused atm.  Between here and there he'll question Faith on how she's here, what her role is, though he'll be frustrated at her inability (or maybe her unnwillingness) to talk.  Maybe he'll plead, lose his temper perhaps.  Maybe at the end then, he'll learn from all this to come to a final realisation about how he's working for evil, and that way will lead to humanity turning into the Humains.

Also, I know it's not the SP, but...

Welcome back to faith. Faith is there as Seresil's voice. She talks for Seresil as if Seresil were to talk directly to them their hearts would implode and their heads would go kablowie.

I like this idea.  As for Seresil, perhaps he's kept him alive because he wants our hero to end the bloodshed that's the human race is doing.  He's the chosen one, which is why he was kept alive before (remember that, back aways?).    May not be time for this in this book, but maybe a sequel.

S'all I have.

[Padfoot]

Off-Topic:

He's the chosen one, which is why he was kept alive before

I just got reminded of Harry Potter... I'm far too obsessed. Sorry, had to tell you all 

[Saint]

I like this idea.  As for Seresil, perhaps he's kept him alive because he wants our hero to end the bloodshed that's the human race is doing.  He's the chosen one, which is why he was kept alive before (remember that, back aways?).    May not be time for this in this book, but maybe a sequel.

S'all I have.

If you suggest a sequel, you do realise that means no Sinner's Wood.

[Saint]

29

I had a lot to think about on the home stretch.  My next move was obvious.  Or rather, it would have been obvious if Faith wasn't so against it.  I kill him, and we live happily ever after.  And yet, Faith would hate me indefinitely.  Wasn't that the whole reason I was doing this, so I could be with her again?  When I started following, I'd planned to take the gun and run in, hoping she'd forgive me later, but I was starting to realise that there was no way she would.  But then what would Serenity and Aithur do?

Serenity's motives were obvious; she was a central circle puppet through and through.  Aithur was incredibly difficult to read, on the other hand.  Considering we'd known each other since the first day of school, whatever he was thinking now was completely shut off to me.  Ten years before, I'd have been able to tell exactly what was on his mind, and how to put it right.  Now, I got nothing from him.  I tried to think back to what he'd said over the time I'd been up here.

He loved me, and yet he knew about Faith.  He never told me that until guilt drove him to.  Yet when I told him about her, he punched me, taking genuine offence.  When he found Faith, he was smiling, but was that because he wasn't responsible for her death, or because she was alive and I was happy?  With the old Aithur, it would have been the latter.  What had happened to him in those years while I was off fighting?  Was he telling the truth about not reading my letters?  He just so happened to have read the only letter where I told him about Faith, and somehow, that didn't seem very likely; I must have sent in excess of a hundred over the years.

And then there was Faith, of course.  Why was she here?  Had Seresil saved her?  And why wasn't she talking?

“How much longer?” I asked, as we passed up another set of stairs.  She raised her hand showing a finger.  One floor.  “Why can't you talk?”  Still facing away from me, she just shrugged.  “Oh come on, you must know something.”  Head shake.  No.  “Doesn't it bother you?  Seresil's taken your voice.”  Again, head shake.  “Don't you want to know why?”  Shrug.

“Stop pestering the girl,” Serenity interrupted.  “She's been through a lot, and she's ended up in a strange world.”

“Oh really?!” I snapped.  “And whose fault is that, Mrs I-Was-Sent-To-Kill-Her?”

“I wasn't going to do it!” she returned defensively.

“Really?  Didn't sound that way to me.”

“Darius, This goes above both of our heads.  I never made any choices here, they were all made for me.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I'm just a pawn in getting you here.  I'm not supposed to tell you this, Darius, but I believe you're the one who can finally change the way things are run down there.”

Nothing she was saying made any sense, and even if it did, with all the lies she'd told me so far, I don't think I'd be inclined to believe it.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

“Do you remember the reason you're here?  The reason you got so far, according to central circle?”

“I'm a chosen one, set to bring an end to them?”

“Well that's half true.  I can't say much more.”

“NO!” I shouted, finally losing my cool.  “Tell me, for fuck's sake.  I'm fed up of doing things without knowing why, or even who I'm doing them for.”  I stopped walking just before the next staircase.  “Why am I here?”

“Central circle sent you here to kill Seresil.”

“No, why am I really here?” I groaned, drawing my sword.  “And I want an answer, not a lie or a fucking metaphor.”

But I didn't get an answer to that.  From behind me, I felt a hand on my arm, and my immediate reaction was to knock it back.  As I turned, sword raised and ready to bring it down on the prone body with Combat reactions, I realised for the first time what a mistake I'd made.  Not just by doing that, or by coming here, but nine years ago, when I'd decided where to go with my life.  I'd never seen Faith as petrified as she was then, lying against the stairs, one arm covering her face and the other daring to tend to her back.  And yet...  It was the same look I'd seen in countless soldiers' faces before I killed them.  There was no difference between the girlfriend I'd been so desperate to return to, and the creatures I'd killed on behalf of my world.  And why?  Just in case they invaded us.  It was the same reason I'd been given for Seresil's execution.  If Seresil was dead, then he couldn't bring our world to justice.

I dropped my sword, and offered my hand to Faith, but she didn't take it.  She clambered up the stairs and stood of her own merits once she reached the top.  I climbed the stairs after her, and held my hand out to put on her shoulder, but she shied away from it.

“I'm sorry, Faith.  You know I'd never do that on purpose.”  One thing about Faith is that she was very quick to forgive.  So imagine my surprise when the terror still lined her face and she shook her head.  What had I become?  What had happened to me that I could knock down and almost kill one of the only people who I'd ever cared about?  Combat?  No, it wasn't Combat that had done this to me.  I'd known Faith after my life at war, and never even risen my hand to her.  Central circle, in one night, had wrapped me around their finger so completely that there was no way for me to do anything but their bidding.  When I'd come to them, there was no way they'd have convinced me to kill Seresil, purely because Faith relied on her belief so much.  Faith was the most important thing in my life, and I'd never do anything to hurt her or upset her.  And now, even still, I was considering taking the gun and striding in headfirst.

Faith pointed down the corridor, to the only door on the right side.  Now was my last chance to make my decision.  What was my next move?  Take the gun, kill our god, and turn to central circle for a lifetime with Faith?  Or go in and find out exactly what Seresil had planned for me?

To kill or not to kill, that is the question.  I will be writing both endings, and you have until they're both written to decide which one you want posted up here.

[Elsza]

Amazing Now I no thats not technically an SP, But have you considered the possibilty that Darius hear's Serisil out THEN decides what too do??   

[Saint]

Amazing Now I no thats not technically an SP, But have you considered the possibilty that Darius hear's Serisil out THEN decides what too do??   

Yes, but I know Darius's character.  If he hears Seresil out, then there won't be a choice of what he can do.  He'll only want one option.

[Padfoot]

Well, I would say talk to Seresil, but that's only because I want to know more.
Yet, it might be more like Darius just to go in guns blazing. 

[Burningplain]

I think your readership have other ideas... They want to see what Seresil plans.

[Chinaren]

Voted and winning. Again.

[Saint]

I've just finished the first ending, where he takes the gun and fights.  Moving on to the second one, which, from the 4-0 vote, appears to be the one I'll be posting up.

[Saint]

30

There was a brief moment, as I stood before the door, that the satchel at my girlfriend's hip caught my gaze and enticed me.  The gun was in there, and it would be all too easy to stride in, catch him unaware, and put a bullet through his head.  No problem, no fight, just me and Faith together forever.  And then Faith caught me looking, and the guilt of even considering destroying what had got her through so many hard days caught up with me.  It'd kill her if she didn't have Seresil to prey to at the end of the day, and I wasn't going to have that on my conscience, not if there was a chance that he could help us out of this mess himself.

With my sword on the floor behind me and my gun at my girlfriend's hip, I pushed the handle down armed only with trust in Faith's certainty that this was the right thing to do.  The door opened into a room as plain as could possibly be, but unnaturally large.  It reminded me of Mortimer's shack, but obviously this was intended as opposed to accidental.  All of the walls were white, and a material I couldn't identify.  The floor, also white, was tiled and polished.  I couldn't see the ceiling.

In front of the door, about twelve feet into the room, lay a cat-like creature.  The fur was a hard to define mix between white and gold, and the head was larger than normal.  Surrounding it was a light blue mane, the same shade as the exterior of the building, but with highlighted inflexions of blue at well-spaced intervals.  Each of its paws were the size of my head, and the tail was long enough to encircle its body several times, which it did.

And yet the tales of our world said he made us in his image.

“Seresil?”

“Ah, Darius,” said Faith from behind me, making me jump.  “Welcome.”  What the-  Was Faith in on this too?  “I hope you'll forgive my use of your girlfriend.  With all the worlds out there, you can't possibly expect me to store all those languages.  She's simply translating.  I obtained her permission first, I assure you, and her actions are her own; I'm just renting the vocal chords.”  Faith nodded in accordance.  I turned back to him and saw that a two-seater sofa and two armchairs had appeared around him.

“Have a seat.”

Grateful for the rest, I lead Faith to the sofa, and Aithur and Serenity took the other two chairs.

“So then, why are you here?” she – he asked.

“You already know that, don't you?”

“Well, I'm not as omnipotent as people make me out to be.  But yes, I'm aware of your situation.  I'm sorry to tell you that it won't be as easy as you think for me to give you back your old life.  No matter where I hide you on Surface, central circle will eventually find you, you do realise this?”

“Unfortunately, yes.  I do have a few questions though.”

“Then by all means ask them,” he invited.  It was difficult focusing on Seresil when his reply came from beside me, but I faced him nontheless.

“Why is Faith here?”

“Ah,” Faith translated.  “To answer that, I'll have to start from the beginning.  Which is convenient, because I need to tell you that story anyway.  You've encountered the Humians.  I'm sure you've figured out who they are.”

“A more powerful Human race?”

“Yes.  A too powerful Human race.  They were the ones who inhabited Hume before you, but they got too power hungry.  They invaded Serese to try and take my life, and I had to execute all of them.  Now the Humans are trying to do the same, but I face a dilemma.  The Humans are not as bad as the Humians, not by a long shot.  Most Humans are good, honest people who wouldn't deserve the sentence I pass down on them.  And that's where you come in.

“I've been following you very closely since central circle summoned you.  They told you that you were a chosen one, and that I was protecting you so that you could bring them to their knees.  Well, that's incorrect.  I'm sorry to have to admit to it, Darius, but both times they referenced were just coincidence.  The Tranieans were a terribly corrupt race, and it was their time to fall by my hand.  I enlisted the help of the Hume world because of what they were doing to you and your comrades.”

“Which was what?” I interrupted.  My stump itched, and as I scratched it, Seresil stood.  Traversing the small distance in one easy stride, he rubbed his mane against it.  The itching stopped, but that was all.

“I see,” Faith disappointedly said on his behalf.  “The wound is too old; I can't heal it.”  He lay back down again.  “They did terrible things to their hostages inside those camps.  I personally wiped the memories of everyone still alive when my soldiers reached them.  Yes, I know you were the only surviving Human,” he added, sensing my interruption, “but there were many many other races held prisoner inside there.  The place was like a madman's farm.  You'd understand why I'm not giving you details if you knew what the details were.

“As for preventing the destruction of your street, well, that one should be self-explanatory.  The first mistake the Humians made was executing their own.  When Serenity told me of their plans, I stepped in and that served as their first warning that I was on to their activities.  Again, you just happened to be saved.  You were never a chosen one.  Not by me, anyway.  They picked you out, and you were the Human race's last chance.

“It was under my orders that Serenity told you Faith had been killed by me.  I'd also like to add here that the only way I can kill someone is if I do it myself.  Being the creator of all life, however, I also get blamed for the loss of life.  But back to the tale.  Central circle did in fact give the order for Faith to be killed, but I sent Serenity there first and gave her the crystal that transported her here, where she'd be safe.  I told her to lie to you just in case central circle were watching.”

“And is that the end of the story?” I added when he seemed to have nothing more to say.

“So far?  Yes.  Overall, no.  You see, Darius, although you never were the chosen one from the start, from this moment on, you are.”

It took me a moment to take in what he'd just said.  The entire backstory had sunk in just fine, but what the hell had he meant by that last line?

“Excuse me?”

“I need your help, Darius.”

I didn't respond.  The cat looked at me intensely, and Faith put her arm on mine, locking her fingers among mine in my good hand.

“I created the worlds many thousands of years ago so that they may live in peace.  Instead they have become riddled with war.  When I ended the Humian race, I thought the other worlds would get the message and put their weapons down, but instead they kept fighting.  The Humans then joined in, and became just as strong as the Humians used to be.  Now they're the superpower in this war.  What I want to do is shut down central circle, and put an end to the Combat sector.  Once the most powerful nation throws down its arms, the others will follow.  It will take time, but the worlds will once again know peace.”

It was a good plan, all but for a few details.

“But what happens if we throw down our arms and the other worlds just invade?”

“Don't be naïve.  You already have the answer to that one.  You've entered my domain, Darius.  As per the message I passed out to the world leaders, The Hume world is now under my protection.  You're not the first, of course.  The Humians made it before you, and not only that, but you're not the first Human here, either.  The thing is, everyone else who came before you has tried to kill me, which, as far as I'm concerned, nullifies the deal.”

“I'm not the first Human?”

“No, you're the seventh.  Central circle sent others before you, each also ones they believed I'd picked out as a chosen one to bring an end to them.  Every one of them tried to kill me, and every one, obviously, failed.  I was beginning to lose patience with them, and you were, as I've said, the Hume world's last hope.  If you'd have done what your predecessors did, then I'd have had no choice but to wipe you out and start yet another race.”

“Well you can thank Faith for that.  I was all set to pull the trigger,” I admitted guiltily.  Probably not the wisest thing to say, in hindsight, but nothing bad came of it.

“Indeed.  You've picked quite a girl there,” he complimented, and she blushed after she'd relayed the message.

Yes.  Quite a girl she was.  Everything I'd done over the past few hours – no, over the past eighteen months – I'd done for her.  She was the most important thing in my life, and I don't think I could bear losing her again.  And that's just what this mission sounded like it was going to include.  If it was a choice between saving the worlds and saving my girl, then Faith would win out every time.

“I'm sorry, Seresil.  I can't leave her again.”  On this, two frail arms crept around my chest as Faith pulled me into an embrace.  This was what I'd been fighting for, right here.  When she let go, she kissed my cheek, and after that, she smiled.

“I thought you might say something like that.  I've already spoken with Faith, before you got here.  If you turn back now, as I said, I can only keep you from central circle for so long before they find you.  Here's what I'm proposing.  I'll keep Faith here and safe.  If you keep the crystal, I'll modify it slightly so that you can return to her at any point, from any point.  When you're done, you can return to Hume and I'll pull some godly strings to get you a lifetime in Living, just what you wanted all along.  She'll be safe, and you'll never be apart from her again.”

Finally.  Finally, someone was offering me terms I could deal with.  A reward I wanted.

“And you're okay with this?” I asked Faith.  She nodded.  “Alright then,” I decided.  “Seresil, you've got yourself a chosen one.”

And there you have it, the end.  But what happens next?  Does Darius succeed?  What will happen between Faith and Aithur?  Will Boon ever have enough ammunition?!  Find out the answers to all these questions and more in "Shadows."  Coming soon.

[Padfoot]

O_O
I WANT MORE!

Well done Saint!   

[Saint]

And the sequel, Shadows, can be found here.

[Chinaren]

Nice one Saint!  Good work indeed. Your best to date.

I'm going out now, but I'll catch up on the sequel shortly.

 

[Burningplain]

Wait... I noticed something. In the opening paragraph you wrote "It'd kill her if she didn't have Seresil to prey to at the end of the day", in this sense pray is spelt P-R-A-Y (e.g. prayer).
Other than that bug it's a really good chapter and sequel already looks good.

[Elsza]

  Amazing!  Thank Serisil (!!  ) their is a sequel cos that ending defiantly left me wanting more!!!

[NicTei]

All I really noticed that needed fixing (other than what BurP already pointed out) is this little niggle:

I'll modify it slightly so that you can return to her at any point, from any point.

I'd change that to:  I'll modify it slightly so that you can return to her at any time, from any place.

Great stuff.  Looking forward to le sequel.  But weren't there other things you were going to write when you were finished with this?  ~prepares laptop~

[Saint]

Combat - The soldiers.

Intel - The schloars.

Employ - The workforce.

Living - The rewarded.

After four years in foreign worlds, killing for the good of his home, Darius Ether started his life in Living as a scarred man.  The marks of numerous conflicts burdened his body and his mind, and he'd grown so used to his friends dying that for over two years of his four-year Living period, he didn't try to make any new ones.  All he had was an old schoolmate's address to which he sent letters but got no replies.  But then one day, a kindly maid by the name of Faith stepped into his life.  This is not a story about how they met.

Roughly a year later, with no prior warning, Darius was approached by his old schoolmate, but there were no warm wishes.  Instead he brought a message from his superiors.  "We've seen what you can do, and we want you to come to The City in the Sky to work for us."  He was forced to answer at gunpoint, and it was obvious that there was no choice in the matter.  He was given six days to say his goodbyes.  This is not a story about him leaving Faith behind.

This is not a story about what he finds on The City in the Sky.
This is not a story about the true motives of the governing body in his world.
This is not a story about a plot to murder a god.

This is, at the core, a story about the lengths a man will go to in order to return to the girl he loves.

New blurb, what do y'all think?  (Any comment you can make would be appreciated, as I'm unsure about it, and I need it good so I can sell this.

[Burningplain]

It's a good one, a vast improvement over its predecessor.

[Chinaren]

Mmm, as a blurb I don't like it. 

It tells too much information, in too dry a fashion, which is something that I think you should try to withhold more for this tale.  I mean, one of the things I really liked about Hard is the way you trickle the information out to the readers over time, and this is more like a summary than a blurb.

I think you need to make it more tantalising.  Put a little bit of teaser information in there...

As a trained killer of alien worlds, Darius thought he knew what life was about.  When he was recruited to the City in the Sky, he realized everything he thought he knew was a lie..

Okay, not super exciting, but perhaps you get what I'm driving at.  I think blurb should want to make you read more, find out what the small teaser is talking about.  the current one is simply too dry and too long.  (Though my little example above is probably a bit short).

Hope that's not too harsh, but this one simply doesn't do you excellent story justice as is! 

IMHO of course. 

[Saint]

And it has finally been done!  The conversion to paperback format is complete, and this can now be purchased (including the second ending) at this link or in my lulu spotlight store.

(I've just put them up, so those links may or may not work for a short while.)

[NicTei]

Wouldn't this be better put in The Terminus, since it's a completed story?  We really need to add more to that particular subforum, and probably a little less to the Chambers here.

[Saint]

Wouldn't this be better put in The Terminus, since it's a completed story?  We really need to add more to that particular subforum, and probably a little less to the Chambers here.

1) Ovey dropped this here after it came out of FeSt.  One does not question Mr. Lordy.
2) I think we decided Terminus was for links to finished threads.  I do think the threads themselves would be better off in there, though.
3) Panda-brain, Miss Terminus, has fallen into the great hole at the end of Tome.  We're working on training monkeys to link hands and go get her, but it's a quite deep hole, and there are only seven monkeys in all of Tome.

[Chinaren]

1) Ovey dropped this here after it came out of FeSt.  One does not question Mr. Lordy.
2) I think we decided Terminus was for links to finished threads.  I do think the threads themselves would be better off in there, though.
3) Panda-brain, Miss Terminus, has fallen into the great hole at the end of Tome.  We're working on training monkeys to link hands and go get her, but it's a quite deep hole, and there are only seven monkeys in all of Tome.

Hoy you!