The New Strain: Book One

[Niemand]

So, erm, this is really my first serious attempt at writing something in a long time and I'm still working off notes and vague ideas in my head. I'd like feedback on, well...anything really. I don't have much right now, but I hope to get Chapter One up within the next week or so, time permitting.

So here's the prologue. Also, any advice on a decent title would be nice. 

[Niemand]

The New Strain
Book One: Forget to be Human

Prologue
“Dr. Lus'ari. Entry One-Three-Eight.

All attempts at opening the Device have proven useless. It is made of some strange alloy which we have been unable to mimic or even scratch. Analysis of the external face of the Device continues. It appears that the Device is some kind of beacon, but the signal is so weak that it cannot even be detected beyond the outskirts of the city. Whoever dispatched it must not have intended on it getting so far. The signal takes the form of a short repeating tone, and a strange continuous stream of data which we have been unable to decode or translate.

Our efforts have been hampered by the isolation imposed upon us by the events occurring outside the science building. None of us even know what exactly is going on. Three members of my team, and up to twenty others have all been isolated in the upper levels, and appear to have fallen into some kind of coma. No-one is telling us anything, and we fear that our friends and co-workers may already be dead. Yet we continue our research into the Device.”
---
The building is silent, not a single sound can be heard beyond the continuous hum of the Device. All are sleeping or otherwise occupied. It is peaceful, it is calm.

There is movement. Further down the hall, the Device hums louder.

There is a scream. Someone awakens. Then another, and a third. The three gaze at each other with tired, confused eyes, irritated about being woken early from their slumber.

“What the hell was that?!”

“I don't know. It came from upstairs.”

“We have some kind of energy readings. Coming from the science lab.”

Reaching for the nearby intercom, the first to awaken collects his scattered thoughts as the last memories of his dreams fade away and he wipes the sleep from his eyes. The two others wrap their arms close, shivering in the cold.

“Lus'ari! You there?! We heard a scream and someone's flicked on the generator for the lab. You running some kind of test? At this hour?”

The reply comes, a light static plays over the Doctor's voice.

“Are you mad? I think...I think it's the ones Command had isolated. I think they're waking up!”

There is the sound of running, then a shocked gasp. The three are now fully awake, and wait with bated breath for Lus'ari to return.

“By the Gods....what the hell are they?!”

The screams get louder,echoing through the halls and drowning out Lus'ari's voice over the intercom. More join the chorus. The Device whirs and clicks. It glows. There is another sound, outside, beyond the walls of the building.

Outside, the city is screaming. The city is in pain.

[Rocket Rabbit]

Oohh... not bad at all. Very ominous. Interested to see where this goes next.

[Niemand]

Chapter One
More rain. More bloody rain. It always bloody rained.

Jason was not in a particularly good mood today. Then again, it was a Monday. Who was ever in a good mood on a Monday? Another sleepless night, and Jason found himself still sitting at his desk when his alarm began to chime. Standing up he felt the blood rush from his head and grasped hold of the chair to steady himself as he powered down his desktop. He dragged himself over to his bedside locker and hit his clock with an unnecessary amount of force, silencing the piercing alarm.

As his computer's fan slowed and the light of the screen faded, Jason flicked on the light switch. Not that it did much good, ever since the 'earth-friendly' bulbs had been installed Jason rarely noticed a difference in the lighting of his room. The damn things took a good five minutes to actually warm up illuminate the red walls of his bedroom.

Red walls. Someone had said that living in a red walled room could do horrible things to  person's mental health.

Maybe that's why I hate sleeping so much.

Shaking his head free of thoughts – why did he have to do that so much, thinking – Jason opened the door to his en-suite bathroom and stepped in. Shower, dress, bus. The same goddamn routine he'd gone through last year. Only last year he didn't mind so much. Last year he actually enjoyed going to college.

Last year he actually preferred life to nightmares.

Three minutes, forty-two seconds later and Jason stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of boxers with his towel wrapped tightly over his shoulders. When was the bloody heating going to be fixed? He shrugged the now thoroughly soaked towel off and pulled open his cupboard. The wonderful thing about having a small wardrobe is that one is never unsure of what to wear. Jeans, t-shirt, Converse. Always the same uniform. Sometimes he'd wear bright clothing, usually a t-shirt with some incredibly not funny phrase like “It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack”. But Jason was far from the good humour such items necessitated. Pulling on black cargo pants, a dark green long sleeved t-shirt and his black converse, Jason remained silent. He never really had anything to say after a night of exactly zero hours and zero minutes of sleep. He never really had anything to say at all these days.

The first two steps of his morning schedule complete, Jason decided he'd skip breakfast – again – and tidy himself up somewhat. Returning to the bathroom, he stared at his bleary-eyed and woefully unkempt appearance in the mirror. His piercing blue eyes no longer had the supposed “shine” to them, whatever that meant. Pulling his razor from its place on the shelf he began the tedious ritual of cleaning himself up to public standards. He shaved, put gel in his hair, brushed his teeth. He did this every day. He never ate breakfast anymore. He used to make time for everything, but now he just didn't bother.

He packed his bag: laptop, notepad, phone and iPod charger. Pulling on his hoodie and slinging his bag over his shoulder, Jason exited his room. The house was dead. Everyone was still asleep, just as he liked it; no-one to make small talk with. He moved down the stairs and out the front door. A cold, brisk wind hit his face. At least the rain had stopped for now, but he didn't trust fate to be kind enough to him.

With his headphones blaring the newest album he had downloaded courtesy of Xentrifuge, Jason walked to the bus stop. Fifteen minutes in the freezing cold. Every day last year he had done this with a smile on his face. But now college held nothing for him, and he simply did what he did out of some sick kind of programming. He was oblivious to the world, the song Converting Infinity on a loop. He did love that song.

No-one else was at the bus stop. Just the way he liked it, no-one's gaze to awkwardly avoid. He didn't wait long; the express bus ran every fifteen minutes at this time of the morning, and Jason had long since timed his mornings perfectly. He waved the bus down, stepped on, scanned his student's prepaid ticket and hurried upstairs. His favourite seat, just behind the stairs, was free. Excellent, more legroom. Slinging his bag across the seat, Jason sat down and leaned his head against the window just as the rain started again.

Fate had been kind this morning.

[NicTei]

Pretty good, Niemand, but there're some things I spotted:

His piercing blue eyes no longer had the supposed “shine” to them. Whatever that meant.

These two sentences could probably be connected by a comma to read

His piercing blue eyes no longer had the supposed “shine” to them, whatever that meant.

Everyone was still asleep. Just as he liked it, no-one to make small talk with.

Same here, but add a semi-colon at the last part.

Everyone was still asleep, just as he liked it; no-one to make small talk with.

I'm not sure if it's 'small talk' or 'small-talk,' though...

He didn't wait long, the express bus ran...

This could use a semi-colon as well

He didn't wait long; the express bus ran...

No-one else was at the bus stop. Just the way he liked it...

Comma there...

And watch for missed words and letters when you go through and proofread; they're possibly the most annoyingly common errors ever.

...the now thoroughly soaked towel of and pulled open his cupboard...

...anything to say at al these days.

Last thing I saw was a bit of dubious capitalization at the beginning:

Shower, Dress, Bus

Easy enough to fix, I believe.

At any rate, it's a pretty good one so far; interested to see where you're going with this.

[Niemand]

Thanks for the advice Nic-Tei. The missed letters are a result of a really cruddy keyboard. Everything else I shall take the blame for  . Thanks for the advice! Should have the rest of chapter one up soon. I figured releasing chapters in small batches was a better idea than the whole chapter at once.

[Saint]

The missed letters are a result of a really cruddy keyboard.

Oh yeah, I've been there... a lot.

[Chinaren]

More rain. More bloody rain. It always bloody rained.

Nice opening!

Ooh, good start here Neimy!  I particularly like chapter 1. NiceTea has already played the grammar Nazi, so I shall just sit back and wait for more...

~sits back and falls off his stool~

[NicTei]

NicTei spotted a haunted house fit for a [dwarf] king.

[Chinaren]

Off-Topic:

NicTei spotted a haunted house fit for a [dwarf] king.

(Yes another) point to Nice.

[Chinaren]

So, are we going to see another chapter then? 

No pressure or anything...

[Rocket Rabbit]

Rabbit spots a teeny tiny skelebob.

Wow, my eyes ache after that one.

[Chinaren]

Point to Robbi.

[Niemand]

New chapter's coming. Sorry bout the delay, but I've been busy as heck lately and I'm trying to decide what parts to put up and what parts not to. At any rate, should have Chapter 2 up some time within the next few days. Sorry for the wait folks!

[Chinaren]

New chapter's coming. Sorry bout the delay, but I've been busy as heck lately and I'm trying to decide what parts to put up and what parts not to. At any rate, should have Chapter 2 up some time within the next few days. Sorry for the wait folks!

Cool Niemy, and I'm totally with you on the 'busy' bit.   

[Niemand]

Chapter Two
He'd overslept. Staring out the window of the bus, his vision still blurry, Jason had a vague notion that there was something not quite right. The sudden realisation that he had long ago missed his intended destination jolted him fully awake in a way usually reserved for when one is stabbed. In his rush to get off the bus Jason failed to notice that he had, in fact, elbowed the lady sitting beside him in the ribs. Formality and politeness had long since fled Jason's mind, and in one swift move he had pressed the button and leapt from his seat.

If he had taken the time to fully figure out where he was, Jason would have realised that he would have been far better off waiting for just a few more minutes before getting off. But Jason never thought straight after waking up, and it was only when he stepped off the bus that he finally recognised where he was.

Dublin was not a pretty sight in the rain.

Mumbling slightly, Jason kept his head down and all but jogged down the road to find shelter. The miserable grey sky one almost always saw this time of year in the Emerald Isle poured a ceaseless torrent of freezing rain on the scurrying inhabitants below. Jason was thoroughly drenched upon reaching the shopping centre, but it was still so early that he was not able to get inside. He had to wait another five minutes before the centre opened and Jason could finally reach the relative comfort of St. Stephen's Green.

Glancing at his watch, Jason quickly decided it would be best not to return to college. He had already missed the beginning of his first lecture – Philosophy, ugh – and by the time he got back he would have missed the start of his second. Instead, Jason spent the next fifteen minutes idly wandering from shop to shop, pining for games and clothes much too expensive for him, waiting out the rain.

As his stomach began rumbling, Jason sat down at the coffee shop on the top floor with a croissant and a Coke. He glanced about as he began opening his bottle, watching people as they hurried about or read their newspapers. As he lifted the bottle to his lips, Jason's eyes caught on one man in the corner. Why had this man caught his eye? Jason couldn't tell, but something about him was off... different. The man just sat there, eyes staring into oblivion with an ice cold coffee sitting before him. He seemed perfectly normal, normal clothes, normal hair, normal sunglasses. But still Jason could not help but stare. It was only when the man quickly turned and locked eyes with Jason that he lowered his head just a bit too fast, spilling his drink all over himself.

“God fucking dammit!”

A few gasps came from around the shop, and an old couple walking past gave Jason a cold stare. Jason looked up and into the eyes of the stranger.

“Next time try and make it a little less obvious, boy. The next person might not be so forgiving of your rudeness.”

Jason mumbled an apology but the stranger had already walked away. His voice had also piqued Jason's curiosity. It seemed unnatural, forced. As though he had trouble saying the words. Perhaps it was not his native tongue?

His watch beeped as the hour passed. It was time to return to college. Standing up and cleaning himself off, Jason made his way out of the shopping centre. His mind kept running over the appearance of the man. Nothing was out of the ordinary, and yet the man exuded a quiet menace and Jason could not think of anything else.

“Of course he seemed menacing you idiot. You probably offended him,” said Jason to no-one in particular. He continued walking towards the bus stop as the rain lightened up. No need to worry. Just because the man unnerved Jason didn't mean he was a bad guy. It was a Monday, everyone hated Mondays, right?

That's when Jason heard the scream.

[Chinaren]

Ooh, nice little chapter there Neimy!  I enjoyed.

Two small things:

The sudden realisation that he had long ago missed his intended destination jolted him fully awake in a way usually reserved for when one is stabbed.

I'd have thought people would usually be jolted 'dead' when stabbed!

 
You're using a lot of 'Jason's in this chapter.  Whilst you do use 'he' too, you may want to try and mix them up more, or reword some to avoid using either.  It's pretty tricky to do, but worth it!   

I now await part 3...

[Niemand]

Okay, I have a lot of explaining to be doing, don't I?

Basically, I was my usual typical self in regards to timing and started writing this when my college decided they'd hit me with exams, essays and end of semester projects. I've still got a lot to do, but things have lessened up and end of year exams don't start for another two weeks. I will try and get a least two chapters up before then, but no promises, I have a problem keeping my promises it would seem. 

Once again, I am really, really sorry everyone and thanks for all the feedback regardless.

[Chinaren]

Don't worry Zero, this happens a lot!

[Niemand]

Okay, finally back. After a busy Holiday period combined with numerous Bad Things (tm) including the total crashing of my laptop, I've finally gotten around to rewriting what I'd lost. Rather than keep you waiting while I finish Chapter 3, I'll put up what I have now and get the rest up at a later date. Hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year, may 2010 bring everyone huge amounts of awesome!

[Niemand]

Chapter Three
“So they just let you go?”

There was three of them now, out of the miserable weather and warming up beside the college restaurant. Jason brought his coffee to his lips and sipped lightly. Too hot. He glanced up at Kayleigh who continued to stare wide eyed waiting for an answer, apparently oblivious to the fact that her dark brown hair had fallen in front of her face.

“There were too many people around, and I didn't actually see what happened. They said a couple of Garda might come to see me later this week.”

Jason went back to his coffee. Still too hot.

“But you saw the guy, didn't you mate? I mean, that's got to count for something....”

Jason didn't respond, keeping his eyes firmly on his cup and refusing to match Matthew's gaze. Fortunately, he didn't have to, as Kayleigh slapped Matt round the back of the head.

“We don't know it was him you twat. For all we know that could have been some tourist. Probably from Russia.”

Jason shook his head and smirked. Why Russia of all places? He sipped his drink again, this time not caring as it scalded his lips. As per usual, he was the 'third wheel' in Matt and Kayleigh's relationship. He didn't mind too much, but it was uncanny how alike the two of them were. Matching hair colour, matching eye colour. It was almost like they were twins, a fact which gave Jason endless amounts of entertainment whenever someone saw the two in the middle of a PDA – Public Display of Affection.

“Gonna have to side with Kay on this one Matt. Besides you both know how awful my memory is. I'd probably end up describing one of you.”

“Why us?” chimed Matt, before receiving another slap.

“Because he sees us every day you twat.”

Another shake of the head, another smirk and Jason finished his coffee. Standing quickly and without a word, he grabbed his bag from the floor.

“Where you going?”

Jason looked at Kayleigh and mumbled his answer, “Lecture....”

Kayleigh cocked her head in interest, knowing full well Jason was not going to his lecture as usual. He never went to lectures this year, three weeks into the year and not one. As Matt began idly nibbling on the croissant he had bought for lunch, Kayleigh mouthed at Jason.

“You okay?”

Jason didn't reply, giving a half-hearted smile and walked away.

[Chinaren]

Well that was a very nicely written chapter, I can find no fault!  Nicely done Neimy!   

[Burningplain]

Well, well, well, it would appear we have a budding author of the macabre. I'm loving this. The suspense is good, I'm dislexic so don't expect me to offer much help when it comes to spelling or grammar. I have to say this is highly enjoyable, I like it.

[BlackCat]

Wonderful!! I enjoyed it!!   The chapter should come. Lets say I can relate... haha...

[Niemand]

, I forgot my TomeCity password. On with the story:

Chapter Three Continued
He didn't turn to look back at Kayleigh, keeping his eyes on the ground as he exited the restaurant. The cold blast of wind that hit him as the doors slid open caused him to flinch, tucking his hands into his pockets to keep them warm.

Goddamn, why is it always so damn cold?!

Keeping up his brisk pace, Jason walked straight past the Arts building where his lecture was, instead continuing down the central path of the campus towards the exit. If he was lucky, he'd be able to get off the grounds and down to the woods before he bumped into someone he knew. He was in no mood to talk to someone right now.

Of course, fate was against Jason.

"Where you off to?"

The voice was bright and cheery with a slight english accent. Jason knew who it was before he even looked up.

"Hello Simone."

He smiled briefly as Simone performed her typical greeting, bending her knees slightly and tugging on her ever-present hat. She caught his eye as she stood to full height again, the cheery visage flickering for a moment before the smile was back. Jason shrugged as Simone shook her head.

"You're skipping another lecture again, aren't you?"

No response.

"If you don't go to any lectures, how do you expect to get your degree?"

Again, no response. Simone sighed and hopped beside Jason, grabbing hold of his arm and turning him around. He began to protest but Simone silenced him with a glare.

"You're going to your lecture and that's final. Do not make me force feed you solid butter again."

Against his will, Jason found himself being directed back down the path towards the Arts building. The two walked in silence, up until Simone directed Jason into the small Arts cafe. She sat down and motioned for Jason to join her, which he did without question.

"Okay, I lied."

She smirked as one of the staff came to take their order. Jason had already had something to drink, but Simone ordered her usual iced tea. Once they were alone again, Simone spoke again.

"I heard about what happened in Dublin. You can't honestly expect me to drag you to a lecture on Roman culture after what happened?"

"Roman sculpture. Culture's tomorrow. And how did you find out?"

Simone laughed as her drink arrived. She lifted it to her lips and sipped lightly, placing it gently on the table as she crossed her arms.

"I'd say damn near the entire college knows by this point. Plus, I work for the paper, it's my job to find out these things."

Jason smiled as Simone returned to her drink. He was about to continue the conversation when something caught his eye behind Simone. His distraction did not go unnoticed and Simone turned her head to see what Jason was looking at, but saw nothing.

"Jason? What is it?"

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

"Nothing. I just zoned out for a bit."

Simone accepted Jason's answer and took out a textbook from her bag to begin reading. But Jason had most definitely seen something. Or rather someone.

A man he had seen for the first time that morning, at a coffee shop in Stephen's Green.

[Chinaren]

   Very nice little chapter there Niemy!  Enjoyable read.  Glad to see this one's still going.

[Burningplain]

A very good chapter Niemand.

[Niemand]

Chapter Four
Six hours had passed since his chance meeting with Simone, and Jason was no less distraught. As his bus pulled away from the college stop, Jason failed to notice the odd glances he was getting from fellow passengers.

It couldn't have been him. Why would he be at college? He had no reason to be at college. It couldn't have been him.... Could it?

Of course, even if it had been the man, Jason had no reason to suspect him in the murder. So why did he? Plenty of men had seemed threatening or menacing to Jason before, but he'd never automatically assumed any of them responsible for a serious crime before. It wasn't logical. On the other hand, the timing had been almost too coincidental. Mere minutes after Jason had seen the man, someone nearby had wound up dead. Of course he'd also seen an old couple at the coffee shop, so why didn't he assume them guilty?

Because that's just plain stupid.

More stupid than assuming some random man guilty?

Shut up. Noone asked you.

Jason probably should have been concerned that he was having a conversation with himself in his head, but at this point a combination of sleep deprivation and panic had rendered him somewhat displaced from reality.

Since the sighting in the Arts Cafe, Jason had spent the rest of his time in college jumping at the slightest thing. Someone tapped him on the shoulder? He punched them in the stomach. Someone closed a door too loudly? He leapt behind a table. He'd gotten into more than a few arguments, and he couldn't even give a reason why he was so worried about this. No amount of twisted logic gave him a reason to assume the man was guilty, or even a threat to Jason himself if he was. Logic, however, had never been something Jason was very good at.

He spent the rest of the bus journey trying to keep his mind off the stranger, instead thinking ahead to the inevitable meeting he would have with the Garda the following day. That was something he was most definitely not looking forward to. Even though he hadn't done anything, Jason knew his innate ability to screw up would cause a lot of problems for him, especially when surrounded by officers of the law. There was that faulty logic again. The Garda had said they'd call on him during the week, that didn't mean tomorrow.

Shaking his head to scatter his thoughts, Jason pulled a newspaper someone had left on the seat behind him and opened it to the third page to find the comics. As simple as they were, the daily illustrations usually managed to cheer Jason up. He smirked lightly and let out a soft chuckle before he noticed that two teenage girls were looking at him in a rather odd manner. He blushed and buried his face in the paper, focusing hard on the article written there.

“Airport Services Slowed Due to Mystery Illness.”

The details of the report didn't stick with Jason, he read them without really paying attention to what the story was about. Some new version of the flu had struck down three Aer Lingus pilots. Typical bloody media, three people working close together get sick at around the same time, and it's a new epidemic. Jason turned to the front page and groaned. Some crappy, musical twin duo was to be playing live somewhere in Dublin. Jason couldn't help but be mesmerised by their ridiculous hair. Sighing a bit too loudly, he dropped the paper down beside him. He was now fully aware of the numerous people who kept glancing at him, and his paranoia kicked into overdrive. Had his fear of the stranger shown, had he been sweating too much?

Why does it have to be about him? What if you just have food on your face?

Because: shut up. That's why.

And there they were, all the thoughts of the stranger, the murder, the panic. It all came flooding back. Jason's heart began to beat harder and harder. Why were they still looking at him?

A light tap on his back and Jason practically had a heart attack. He turned to face the man who had got his attention, trying to appear as calm as possible...

“Excuse me, but you've got your jeans on inside out.”

[Niemand]

Not entirely happy with that last chapter, but I'm too busy to do a complete rewrite. I'm open to any suggestions.

[Chinaren]

“Excuse me, but you've got your jeans on inside out.”