Writing in China

This list, in one form or another, has been around for a while, but I thought I'd post a few of the more choice ones here. I didn't create this list!

It may not make so much sense if you haven't been to China, but you can get a few clues what it's like from these. If you've been here, then you'll probably have a chuckle...

You know you've been in China too long when...

- you no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.

- you no longer wonder how someone who earns US$400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.

- you can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.

- you are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

- you look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.

- you honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk.

- when shopping at Carrefour some laowai catches you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.

- you forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.

- you think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for.

- you go shopping to buy gifts for a future business partner, just to 'smooth things along'.

- Ice cubes in beer actually make it cooler and more refreshing.

- you feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut.

- when you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper.

- you see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.

- smoking is one of the dinner courses.

- you speak Chinese to your foreign friends.

- metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.

- pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s sweet corn and peas on it.

- you (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples in hot weather.

- you have a purse and you are male.

- you forgot the real purpose of the mirrors in the car.

- you think the head lights for the car are only to see the street so it’s more safe to switch on the high beam always.

- you start to enjoy warm beer.

- you instinctively shake out your clothes before wearing to remove any dust from drying on your balcony.

- you don’t blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.

- you find it strange when everyone’s food at a restaurant is brought out at the same time.

- you answer your phone with "weiiiii".

- you say "aiyaa" frequently.

- you cross highways without looking.

- you shout on the phone in confined spaces to ensure no one misses your important information.

- you make enquiries in banks to the cashier whilst they are serving someone else.

- you walk in the road as it is safer than the pavement.

- you push other people's shopping trolleys out of your path.

- you don’t flinch when you see a small child emptying his bowels in the street.